One More Try

These days you’d often talk about how you loved me truthfully and faithfully when we were together and though I know you were telling the truth, you always say those things jokingly.

I know you meant them, I have always known but I have also been wanting to hear them from you for the longest time. Nearly a year after we broke up, look at where we are… Still clinging to each other trying so hard to fight off saying ‘I love you’ yet our words and gestures fills in the empty spaces wherein those words should be.

Earlier this afternoon, while we were chatting and joking about how elderly women who visits the bar where your band plays really likes you, you told me that it’s part of the reason why you broke up with me in the first place. Because you didn’t want to hurt me too much because of the nature of your job; though you know in yourself that you will love only me, still the fact that you will be surrounded by women (of all ages, lol sorry…) all the time could hurt me and make jealous at one point or another.

I understand it better and clearer Mike. I know how it is to be a musician and how it is to be a partner of one. I have seen my mother go through it and though she had the same nature of career as you did, she still suffered greatly from it. You wanted to save me of all the pain and I loved you even more for that even long after you left.

Now that you’ll be coming home soon, you started doing this–this… whatever this is we’re doing these days. We talk and jokingly fight like lovers do and care for each other like we always used to. It scares me for though I badly want you back I cannot help but fear that you’ll leave me again.

However, to be honest, at the back of my mind I could see ourselves fulfilling the promises and dreams we once made to each other. Nearly a year after we broke up, the image of you waiting for me down at the altar has never left my mind; it has only gotten more vivid and it makes me tear up.

I know that to expect more from you is too much but I know how you are. I know exactly how you feel right now for I feel the same way too, we just don’t have the courage to do it all over again just yet–not while you’re still away. So I shall wait, patiently, for your safe return… as I have often told you, I love you now and for always, unconditionally…

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