I’m done trying to get you. I can’t do it anymore. I’m sorry it’s taking me this long to figure it out, but I promise, I’m done making a fool of myself.

– Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, S8Ep8

I’m still in love with him, may be even stronger than before and that’s a fact that’s been long established. But lately I realized a lot of things and I’ve found out that he’s into someone new; perhaps part of the reason why he suddenly lay low.

In the same game community that we’re a part of, I’ve also read some things directly from him and his best friend and even from some of his friends about this new girl he’s scouting or probably already been dating.

It hurts. So much. It pierces through me like a knife and not the freshly sharpened one, no. A rusty one. Something that would take a long time before it can finally cut something in half; every motion is just as painful than the first.

I guess this is the awakening I needed. This is the cold pitcher of water that I’ve been dodging from for so long. I love him, so much but I can’t go on living like this.

Regardless of this, I know that he’ll still be the song I sing. The inspiration to all the poems I will write and perhaps the man whom I loved the most even when he didn’t deserve it anymore.

I no longer want to be a martyr. It’s just not worth it anymore. I don’t want to be miserable.

I love him but I’m done.

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