Truth of the matter…

Photo by Mimi Venus

Photo by Mimi Venus

I love you, and it’s a fact I could not deny nor keep from myself and from you. I don’t know how or why, of all people I come across with everyday, it is you I have fallen to. Sometimes, I wish I hadn’t talked to you, or wish that I could just wake up and not remember you.

I want you to leave and never call me, never text me, because everyday is a battle of emotions so strong I could not shut them down even if I try to and God knows how  I tried to fight them off. I’d rather have you disappear without a word just so I could move on  like I have done so many times before.

I am used to the melancholy, to the fact that I can live alone. I was ready to take that path until you came and brought in all these silly, stupid dreams I didn’t even know I can come up with. Dreams that I didn’t even know I ever wanted or have completely forgotten about.

It’s hard to be around you, but being with you, even for barely an hour, it’s the happiest I’ve been. I know you can never love me back, and it hurts me so bad to know that.

And now, I want to stay. I want you to stay. I am frightened, beyond words could explain. Somehow, I just want to push you away, but knowing your state, I could not get myself to do it. But I hope I could still leave when the time comes that I have to, for though it’s clear to me that I am but a temporary company I’ll let you have me, allow you to use me. But I’ll also train myself to be stronger for when the time comes you’d have to leave me alone… For it is the first time in my life, that I have looked at a man and see him as someone who is more than just a lover… I have never looked at anyone and felt like he’s the one I would love to spend my life with… And it hurts me to know that it’s you.

I love you, even if you can never reciprocate the feeling. I’d like you to know that I do, I really do and it’s true. And I pray so hard that one day you’d find a place for me in your heart, and that it won’t be too late…

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