When is the best time to wake up?
I honestly have no idea whether I should get up and leave this bed, or stay here, staring at the ceiling for days.
Confined in my apartment on Sunday afternoons, thinking of you, hoping that somewhere you’re thinking of me, too; I stay here hoping you’d ring my phone or my bell, but you never did.
I am awake, that is for sure, but not fully. For I still have this silly fantasy that one day you would learn to love me.
It seems like I am still in a haze.
What was it I ever saw in you? You were even more broken, more shattered than I ever was… I love you and loved you at your worst. How could I have loved such a person who cannot even put himself first?
My love for you, is like no other, you gotta believe it… it will be ablaze for as long as I am breathing, that is for sure… for all the fires I have set, only burned bridges but this one, I could not seem to extinguish; the same way I want to leave you but could never get myself to…
But if I don’t wake up and leave now, I’d have to start brewing coffee in the morning again and making breakfast… I don’t want to go through that again; I’ve done it with him and it felt so right but it ended in a snap. How could I ever do that again with that fear in mind that soon you’ll walk out that door like he did?
Your face is that one I want to see every waking moment, you’re the one that I want to brew coffee and make breakfast for… and you have to understand that I have never felt this way with anyone else, even with him.
But I don’t want to play the part of your wife; I don’t want to play that role anymore unless a man is brave enough to put a ring on this finger and lead me to the altar. You will never have that courage, the same courage that he had but I broke and it saddens me because every time I look at you, it’s what I want to see every morning and every night for the rest of my life…
I’m a bard and I know you will be the words that I will speak of for the rest of my life and for a lifetime I’ll write of a love that could never be returned.