There are days that I just couldn’t find the will to get out of bed. I guess we all do, although unlike most people it’s never just because I want to get more sleep.

There are days wherein I stay in bed for hours staring blankly at the ceiling rethinking and rewinding situations that happened years ago or maybe a few days ago. They danced inside my head as I stare at the cracks, and I would ften I find myself hitting my head with the palm of my hand or squinting my eyes so hard hoping the vivid details would go away.

But they never do.

There are days wherein I stand under the shower recreating scenarios of the past and thinking of what I could have said better to make certain situations justified. I wanted to feel redemption even if it’s only in my head but sometimes, I get too absorbed and before I knew it, the water has been running for too long.

There are moments that I would space out even in the middle of a conversation or when I’ve been left alone for a few minutes. People would ask me if I’m alright, but never touches me nor do they ask about how I feel exactly.

Though I tell them that I’m okay and that I’ve always been this way but sometimes, I wish they’d stop asking and just hug me and tell me everything will be fine.

It wasn’t always like this.

I miss being free from the unknown burden that has inhabited me.

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